people first.

We've all seen the graphic about what you'll look back on in your last days and the clarity you'll find about what was important.  It's not the job, it's not the house, it's not the vacations, it's the relationships.  My absolute biggest fear is regret, lost opportunity, not living with an open heart, letting things pass me by.  I remember the day that my shift happened.  I was standing in our tiny hallway between the bedroom and the dining room and suddenly nothing mattered except people.  Not the house, not the pay day, not what was for dinner, not who I was upset with... nothing.  My mind could hold onto nothing except for people.  Being present.  Time.  Everything instantly became more precious.  I became a bit desperate to document  moments.  To cherish the little stuff.  To make everyday into more of an event.  Suddenly I had zero tolerance for things getting in the way of what (to me) was really important.  Reasons became excuses in many cases.  My perspective completely shifted.  I'd like to think that people have always been my center.  Finding time to visit my grandparents was a priority.  Who I was with always trumped what I was doing.  I think that has been magnified.  I'm well aware that this isn't the norm, but that doesn't keep me from assuming people will come around to my way of thinking.  I'm getting better and better at letting go of the frustrations I feel when I (in my infinite wisdom-- insert eyeroll here) witness someone making what, to me, is the wrong choice.  Letting an opportunity pass them by.  I'm such a hypocrite.  I want to say that it doesn't matter to me what people choose, do what makes you happy, but that's not what my heart believes until several hours later.  Often times, I'll come around and let go of the frustration I feel at watching someone else pass something up, but I really need to not even worry about it at all.  I'm coming to accept what my predecessor would say all the time, "different strokes for different folks."  I need to accept that.  I need to adapt her catch and release mentality of letting people make their own decisions and not getting caught up in it myself.  I'm still such a hussy though-- thinking I know what's best for others all the time.  At least I can acknowledge that and laugh at myself.  I'm positive I do things that others think is ridiculous.  Here's my aimed-for center though: people first.  Will this matter in five years?  Will I be happy with this decision in five years?  Does this have eternal vision?  Does this benefit me and those I love?  Does this hurt anyone?  Does this line up with the Word?  
Gosh, I mess up all the time.  I'm positive, even typing this, that I screw this very goal up on a regular basis.  Even today, I'm passing up some people because I have deemed for me that the activity is "too hard" for me to put myself through and I need to protect myself from the emotions.  Grace.  Thank God for grace.  It's kinda wild when you suddenly see all the judgement you've passed on others and realize you deserve it too.