So, I've been rolling all kinds of ideas around in my head for quite some time, trying to determine what the point of this is. Whether she'd have wanted them to or not, my dear friend Sarah's words kept coming back to me about writing. About just sharing whatever is on my heart. For a very long time, I've been coming to my sad excuse of a blog for the purpose of letting feelings and thoughts out that were in some way tied to my loss and I kinda hate that I'm so affected by loss, but at least I was only dumping in one yard, right? But then, where does that go and why was it necessary? I'm guessing it's passive aggressive behavior. I'm venting and spewing with no intentions to pointedly share, but it's public. What a freak...
All that to say that I'm beginning to think I should let go of the loss theme. If it comes up, great. If it's on my heart, wonderful. But maybe this outlet should be used to just be me. Sarah seemed to think so. With that move, all continuity that I had strived to establish and use will go out the window. In its wake, it is my hope that I will show many other facets of myself, bring some laughs, and find a new peace.
A woman I greatly respect once shared with me that she so respected how I handled things that I'd walked through. She identified a "shroud of sadness" that some people seemed to wear after walking through tragedy and said that she was so impressed by the fact that I didn't. I was so touched by that because I hope it's clear that I don't want tragedy to define who I am or hang over me like it does some people. I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes want the sympathy that comes with the territory, but I don't want to mope around with some false sense of entitlement because, "You don't know what I've been through." That's trash. My goodness, how some waste their lives dragging that around. All that I've shared here is real and raw and gross, but it's not me in public and at least I've sequestered it to this forum, but I've allowed this to become a misrepresentation of who I am. A piece of me, for sure, but only the dark stuff, I'm afraid. So, I'm attempting to branch out. We shall see. My daughter will be thrilled. I believe the first installment will be the outrageous parenting advice that my zany brother and I were compiling over Thanksgiving. We thought it'd be better suited for a YouTube channel, but I'm not that cool.
All that to say that I'm beginning to think I should let go of the loss theme. If it comes up, great. If it's on my heart, wonderful. But maybe this outlet should be used to just be me. Sarah seemed to think so. With that move, all continuity that I had strived to establish and use will go out the window. In its wake, it is my hope that I will show many other facets of myself, bring some laughs, and find a new peace.
A woman I greatly respect once shared with me that she so respected how I handled things that I'd walked through. She identified a "shroud of sadness" that some people seemed to wear after walking through tragedy and said that she was so impressed by the fact that I didn't. I was so touched by that because I hope it's clear that I don't want tragedy to define who I am or hang over me like it does some people. I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes want the sympathy that comes with the territory, but I don't want to mope around with some false sense of entitlement because, "You don't know what I've been through." That's trash. My goodness, how some waste their lives dragging that around. All that I've shared here is real and raw and gross, but it's not me in public and at least I've sequestered it to this forum, but I've allowed this to become a misrepresentation of who I am. A piece of me, for sure, but only the dark stuff, I'm afraid. So, I'm attempting to branch out. We shall see. My daughter will be thrilled. I believe the first installment will be the outrageous parenting advice that my zany brother and I were compiling over Thanksgiving. We thought it'd be better suited for a YouTube channel, but I'm not that cool.
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