I lost a friend, it seems. Making choices, making changes, stepping out... In that, I lost a friend and it's particularly painful because it's a friend I had through Aaron. Oh the fit I'd like to throw. That would do no good though. In one breath I'm saying, "live and let live!," in the next I'm mad because people aren't doing what I've deemed "right." I told you I'd contradict myself. What I want to say to all these people that I gained through Aaron? Show up. Show the heck up. You can't be Aaron. You can continue to show up and represent him to his children. To me. I am downright indignant for the lack of showing up. Make no mistake, Aaron would be livid. He would be hurt. He would prioritize his family and protect their feelings from your lack of interest. He would continue to be there for you though. He would continue to show up and participate in your life and check on you and root for you and he would be hurt the entire time, but he would not step back from you the way that you have stepped back from us. What would you like the loved ones in your life to do for you, in your honor, if you were gone too soon? I wanted these people to show up for Aaron. Share stories of the man he was. Stand in the gap some and be strong, faithful, supportive men to our children. Come to birthday parties and beam at them. I wanted them to come randomly and show an interest in these lives. To give hugs. To listen to them tell about their day. See, that's who I am as the mom. That's who I'll always be. My parents have stood in that gap. My siblings have stood in that gap. My church family has stood in that gap. A smattering of friends of Aaron's (Cory & Brian & Tyler) have stood in that gap. One-time strangers have come to the table and reached out to my children to provide a man-figure of interest for my children. And my Chapter Two. He's stepped in slowly and steadily, recognizing who he is and the position he fills for them, even when it's been scary.
And kids... they're trying my patience. I'm human. <3