I'm Shannon.
I've wanted to be a writer. I've wanted to be a nurse. I've wanted to be a counselor. I've wanted to be a mother. I've wanted to be a wife. I've wanted to be a comedian. I've wanted to be a reality TV star. I've wanted to be the superintendent of education. I've wanted to be everyone's boss. I've wanted to be a lifetime lifeguard. I've wanted to be a travel blogger.
I've wanted to be the best me. Why can't we have it all? What began as a private blog to let out all the pain of being a widowed single mom so that I didn't let it bleed out into my real life has become a site that I can't let go of because those pieces still exist and are valuable, but I don't live there. This site is undoubtedly the biggest mess of me, but I've always thought I was organized chaos. Let's embrace it. |
2012 introduction. It's old, but we can't wash away our beginnings, so here it is.
I'm Shannon. My husband went home to be with the Lord in the fall of 2012 and I'm here. In October of 2011, the Lord spoke to me and told me to "walk in what I've called you to walk in before you see your healing." Well, crap. I wasn't hoping for that instruction. I asked my husband Aaron then what that meant. He said he wasn't sure so I pretended I was off the hook. I think Aaron and I both knew that we were supposed to be writing though. My goal isn't to wallow, but I am going to say what I think when I'm thinking it and I'm going to break my number one rule of not putting things in writing that I don't want repeated. I'm confident that I will contradict myself a lot. If I've learned anything through this, it's that my feelings are no longer predictable; what I feel is on the move constantly.
It's incredible the path your life will take. I once wondered what good could possibly come out of my circumstances. In the years since I've been thrust into the world of Widowhood, my eyes have been opened to how our experiences (both good and bad) become useful to others, if we allow it. I can't begin to pretend like the pain isn't fresh and painful each time I allow myself to revisit the dark hallways. For me, it's like living those moments all over again, but there is certainly beauty in seeing how sharing your experience can help someone else. The part that completely stalls me is when I see or hear how something that I thought only I felt resonates with another person. Game changer. People always say you're here for a reason. It is my hope that this completely bare contribution of myself will help another.
xo
S
It's incredible the path your life will take. I once wondered what good could possibly come out of my circumstances. In the years since I've been thrust into the world of Widowhood, my eyes have been opened to how our experiences (both good and bad) become useful to others, if we allow it. I can't begin to pretend like the pain isn't fresh and painful each time I allow myself to revisit the dark hallways. For me, it's like living those moments all over again, but there is certainly beauty in seeing how sharing your experience can help someone else. The part that completely stalls me is when I see or hear how something that I thought only I felt resonates with another person. Game changer. People always say you're here for a reason. It is my hope that this completely bare contribution of myself will help another.
xo
S

In a time of great emotion and greater loss, all I can process becomes words and moments on pages.
There is no rational thought.
There is no consistent stream of mental power.
It's become a jumble of feelings and anger and loss and, "What now, God?"
Where I once would attempt to maintain consistency and concrete opinions/feelings, I am one giant contradiction. Happy, sad. Angry, joyful. Faith-filled, questioning. Abandoned, cared-for.
This is my journey. The good, the bad, the wrong, the real.
There is no rational thought.
There is no consistent stream of mental power.
It's become a jumble of feelings and anger and loss and, "What now, God?"
Where I once would attempt to maintain consistency and concrete opinions/feelings, I am one giant contradiction. Happy, sad. Angry, joyful. Faith-filled, questioning. Abandoned, cared-for.
This is my journey. The good, the bad, the wrong, the real.