This morning, I was thinking about all the quirky weirdness that is me and talking to myself like a loon in the kitchen {as I do most mornings--don't tell} and started to muse about what things I wanted to accomplish with my kids this summer. I don't know exactly what it is that makes me feel like I have to pull out all the stops to make these childhoods count. Is it the living through loss? The endless guilt-tripping posts on Pinterest? The knowledge that my baby girl is TEN and baby boy SIX? I don't know, but I DO know that we always make a "Summer Fun" list and it's time to pen it. I was questioning my gal about it on the drive to school today and she said that making the list stresses her out, but she loves checking things off it. Uh, what?! This is supposed to be a fun activity and it stresses her? Sigh. You think you know a kid.
My summer list? I think I might try becoming a grown up this summer. You know, waking up by 7:30 each day. Showering before the last possible moment. Sticking to a schedule of sorts. Leaving the house before noon. It's not that I think I've damaged my kids in some way by being an overgrown college student for them, but I'm a bit fearful that they need someone to model these responsible behaviors for them and I haven't. It's not all bad. I'd like to think that my children will learn from me that mistakes are often fixable, that rolling with the punches is a life skill, that embracing each moment has great value, that sometimes schedules need to be tossed out the window, that laughter and relaxation are keys to health.
The beginning of this stream of thought was that the 2014-2015 school year has been a year of laziness for me. Sloth like, napping, TV, PJs 'til noon laziness. My son went to kindergarten this year and many people asked me what I was going to do with "all that time." My answer? "Nap." I did too. For two straight months, I dropped my kids at school, came home and slept 'til noon. I am a girl who hates naps and I slept countless days away. Yes, I know that is a sign of depression. No, I don't think I'm depressed. I talked to my good friend G about it and she said I was in a season of rest and to take it. That these seasons don't come along all the time, but that I was due for a recharge. I certainly took it. Genius me then got a dog and my naps were ruined, but it's all good because I'm coming out of it. Now I shop from my couch all morning and make plans that I'll likely not get to. I have a basement that needs sorted and three bedrooms upstairs that need purged. These are the "adult jobs" that I need to find some motivation for so that my children will see that their mother isn't a bum. Ideally, I'll get to these tasks while they're at school so that I don't waste their precious childhood hours with me making them help me clean closets (but there's some value in that too :)).
I guess I just remember my grandparents working on something all the time around the house-- being productive (they owned a funeral home so they didn't go to a job to work; being home was work).
My parents are always doing something-- being productive.
I used to be productive. Aaron and I had tasks we'd check off the list. I've basically lost that. I go to work, I get the house clean, I make meals, but I am far less productive than I ever thought I'd be. I just want to make sure that I'm teaching my kids how to contribute. I'm fine with a "wasted" day (sometimes those are the most productive ones for our spirits), but I need to find a bit of my fire and demonstrate a couple more traits of a grown up. Maybe I should make some secret goals for myself.... Like, next year, when my gal asks me what I did while she was at school, I should have more to say than just, "I showered." {shaking head} Sigh. There's value in that too, right? :)
My summer list? I think I might try becoming a grown up this summer. You know, waking up by 7:30 each day. Showering before the last possible moment. Sticking to a schedule of sorts. Leaving the house before noon. It's not that I think I've damaged my kids in some way by being an overgrown college student for them, but I'm a bit fearful that they need someone to model these responsible behaviors for them and I haven't. It's not all bad. I'd like to think that my children will learn from me that mistakes are often fixable, that rolling with the punches is a life skill, that embracing each moment has great value, that sometimes schedules need to be tossed out the window, that laughter and relaxation are keys to health.
The beginning of this stream of thought was that the 2014-2015 school year has been a year of laziness for me. Sloth like, napping, TV, PJs 'til noon laziness. My son went to kindergarten this year and many people asked me what I was going to do with "all that time." My answer? "Nap." I did too. For two straight months, I dropped my kids at school, came home and slept 'til noon. I am a girl who hates naps and I slept countless days away. Yes, I know that is a sign of depression. No, I don't think I'm depressed. I talked to my good friend G about it and she said I was in a season of rest and to take it. That these seasons don't come along all the time, but that I was due for a recharge. I certainly took it. Genius me then got a dog and my naps were ruined, but it's all good because I'm coming out of it. Now I shop from my couch all morning and make plans that I'll likely not get to. I have a basement that needs sorted and three bedrooms upstairs that need purged. These are the "adult jobs" that I need to find some motivation for so that my children will see that their mother isn't a bum. Ideally, I'll get to these tasks while they're at school so that I don't waste their precious childhood hours with me making them help me clean closets (but there's some value in that too :)).
I guess I just remember my grandparents working on something all the time around the house-- being productive (they owned a funeral home so they didn't go to a job to work; being home was work).
My parents are always doing something-- being productive.
I used to be productive. Aaron and I had tasks we'd check off the list. I've basically lost that. I go to work, I get the house clean, I make meals, but I am far less productive than I ever thought I'd be. I just want to make sure that I'm teaching my kids how to contribute. I'm fine with a "wasted" day (sometimes those are the most productive ones for our spirits), but I need to find a bit of my fire and demonstrate a couple more traits of a grown up. Maybe I should make some secret goals for myself.... Like, next year, when my gal asks me what I did while she was at school, I should have more to say than just, "I showered." {shaking head} Sigh. There's value in that too, right? :)
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