God and I had a good dialogue this morning. I love that. When I feel like I can ask questions and receive answers in my spirit immediately. And I love that, when it's God- not me-, that there is absoluteness in the answers. We did our part. We did all that we could. We prayed and believed. We stood. We didn't waver around. I can't say that I'm still that steadfast in action, but my spirit is still standing, still believing, still trusting. Just a case of whiplash. God has a plan. I believe that. I need to learn how to honor Him in the valley. And I need to learn how to comfort my kids. My son has this fixation on death now. Talks about it all the time. Lets his toys die during playtime... I know it's normal, but it's so hard not to cry through it. Tells me regularly not to die or get older. I just can't hold onto them tight enough and a teeny, tiny part of me is so afraid to hold on. My gosh, exposure hurts.
Reasoning and I are friends. I know that I have today. I know that tomorrow is a gift. Despite the pain or the uncertainty or the sadness, I need to get out of every moment what I can instead of sitting and waiting for things that aren't going to change. Hence my unbelievable need to go, go, go. I know that displays the unsettling I feel, but I don't care. I either sleep or I want to run. Maybe I'll get some really good miles out of this.
Okay, so to return to point, pain and I are no strangers, BUT Joy and Happiness and Laughter and I are best friends. I feel like maybe that's great revenge.