Pain and I are no strangers. We've kept company. We don't chase each other away. But my pain all comes from a sense of loss and uncertainty. Uncertainty in what to do with what I have in front of me. When you fight a battle with faith and feel like you lost here on Earth, it has to (or at least it makes me) question what to do when you see the same thing again.
God and I had a good dialogue this morning. I love that. When I feel like I can ask questions and receive answers in my spirit immediately. And I love that, when it's God- not me-, that there is absoluteness in the answers. We did our part. We did all that we could. We prayed and believed. We stood. We didn't waver around. I can't say that I'm still that steadfast in action, but my spirit is still standing, still believing, still trusting. Just a case of whiplash. God has a plan. I believe that. I need to learn how to honor Him in the valley. And I need to learn how to comfort my kids. My son has this fixation on death now. Talks about it all the time. Lets his toys die during playtime... I know it's normal, but it's so hard not to cry through it. Tells me regularly not to die or get older. I just can't hold onto them tight enough and a teeny, tiny part of me is so afraid to hold on. My gosh, exposure hurts.
Reasoning and I are friends. I know that I have today. I know that tomorrow is a gift. Despite the pain or the uncertainty or the sadness, I need to get out of every moment what I can instead of sitting and waiting for things that aren't going to change. Hence my unbelievable need to go, go, go. I know that displays the unsettling I feel, but I don't care. I either sleep or I want to run. Maybe I'll get some really good miles out of this.
Okay, so to return to point, pain and I are no strangers, BUT Joy and Happiness and Laughter and I are best friends. I feel like maybe that's great revenge.
God and I had a good dialogue this morning. I love that. When I feel like I can ask questions and receive answers in my spirit immediately. And I love that, when it's God- not me-, that there is absoluteness in the answers. We did our part. We did all that we could. We prayed and believed. We stood. We didn't waver around. I can't say that I'm still that steadfast in action, but my spirit is still standing, still believing, still trusting. Just a case of whiplash. God has a plan. I believe that. I need to learn how to honor Him in the valley. And I need to learn how to comfort my kids. My son has this fixation on death now. Talks about it all the time. Lets his toys die during playtime... I know it's normal, but it's so hard not to cry through it. Tells me regularly not to die or get older. I just can't hold onto them tight enough and a teeny, tiny part of me is so afraid to hold on. My gosh, exposure hurts.
Reasoning and I are friends. I know that I have today. I know that tomorrow is a gift. Despite the pain or the uncertainty or the sadness, I need to get out of every moment what I can instead of sitting and waiting for things that aren't going to change. Hence my unbelievable need to go, go, go. I know that displays the unsettling I feel, but I don't care. I either sleep or I want to run. Maybe I'll get some really good miles out of this.
Okay, so to return to point, pain and I are no strangers, BUT Joy and Happiness and Laughter and I are best friends. I feel like maybe that's great revenge.
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