hart on my sleeve
Find me...
  • Home
  • Musings
  • looking up
  • Blog

friends.

4/14/2013

0 Comments

 
Pain and I are no strangers.  We've kept company.  We don't chase each other away.  But my pain all comes from a sense of loss and uncertainty.  Uncertainty in what to do with what I have in front of me.  When you fight a battle with faith and feel like you lost here on Earth, it has to (or at least it makes me) question what to do when you see the same thing again.  
God and I had a good dialogue this morning.  I love that.  When I feel like I can ask questions and receive answers in my spirit immediately.  And I love that, when it's God- not me-, that there is absoluteness in the answers.  We did our part.  We did all that we could.  We prayed and believed.  We stood.  We didn't waver around.  I can't say that I'm still that steadfast in action, but my spirit is still standing, still believing, still trusting.  Just a case of whiplash.  God has a plan.  I believe that.  I need to learn how to honor Him in the valley.  And I need to learn how to comfort my kids.  My son has this fixation on death now.  Talks about it all the time.  Lets his toys die during playtime... I know it's normal, but it's so hard not to cry through it.  Tells me regularly not to die or get older.  I just can't hold onto them tight enough and a teeny, tiny part of me is so afraid to hold on.  My gosh, exposure hurts.  
Reasoning and I are friends.  I know that I have today.  I know that tomorrow is a gift.  Despite the pain or the uncertainty or the sadness, I need to get out of every moment what I can instead of sitting and waiting for things that aren't going to change.  Hence my unbelievable need to go, go, go.  I know that displays the unsettling I feel, but I don't care.  I either sleep or I want to run.  Maybe I'll get some really good miles out of this. 
Okay, so to return to point, pain and I are no strangers, BUT Joy and Happiness and Laughter and I are best friends.  I feel like maybe that's great revenge.  
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Shannon

    A wife, a mom, a widow, a librarian, a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend, a teacher, a God-follower, a coach, a snarky huss, a lover, a confused party, a favorite, a decisive chick, a real person, a hated person;).  These thoughts won't be pretty and I will contradict myself a lot, but they are my thoughts, in the moment, in this life.

    Archives

    June 2020
    April 2020
    November 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    March 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    January 2015
    August 2014
    May 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.