Aidan is my challenge baby. His self-control is lacking. He might've gotten that from his momma.
Contol. I don't want to share. I don't want outside factors. It's all so hard. I chose this, but I didn't choose this. I had a plan. One would think I'd get used to the fact that I'm on a new path... Evidently, I ignore realities also.
Control. Even knowing that control will be seized back at any given moment, without notice, doesn't help me accept the lack of control I have.
The other piece of this is that I can't control what people think about me. By and large, it doesn't matter. Usually, I don't care. I share kids now though. I do care how I'm perceived. I do want to be a good momma for them. I don't want to replace their mom, but I don't want to do things that will cause them to feel even more fractured in their family life. Control. I only have so much.