buried.

The best I can do is bury my emotions.  I don't know that it's healthy.  I don't know that it's for the best.  My heart is just not in this.  I can exist, I can participate, I can laugh... I just can't overthink anything.  Too much is missing.  I get that most people don't get the love that I have {had}; I do, but those are just words.  I had it and it's gone.  What am I supposed to do with that?  How does one move forward from the loss of a love like that?  I still feel like a shattered fragment of what I once was if I allow myself to think about him not being here with me.  My soul hurts.  It's too much pain.  It's too much absence.  It's not fair.  He should be here.  His children should know him.  I should get to share this life with him.  He is {was} the definition of good-- across the board, no exceptions, good.  Broken.  Buried feelings, buried thoughts, bury it all.